I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize