Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
