Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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