Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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