There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
