I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The air was thick with penises
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dicks are not precious.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize