if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
