there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
