While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
