Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
