A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
