I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
