she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
