Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
