...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
