yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
