So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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