i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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