I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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