i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
