roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
