Dude my mom stole all your condoms
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Randomize
