You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
