ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
