the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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