guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
