"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
