Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
