Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
