i think my tv is drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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