id be glad to
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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