He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
