Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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