I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
