wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize