i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
