Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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