She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
