Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
