Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
