The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
