So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
