just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i barfeds in our rink
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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