I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
