We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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