I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your cock deserves a montage
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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