does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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