If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
