I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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