"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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