tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
