I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
