she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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