I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
