Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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