it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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