What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
