a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
