you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
