I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
