textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
