here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
