it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
