he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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