he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize