A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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