the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
