I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
