Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
