I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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